OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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