I think I died a long time ago.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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