Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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