So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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