I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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