Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
