I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
