You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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