I forgot how hot balto sounded
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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