Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
