I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
