I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize