Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
