I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
