You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
