I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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