"it" just moved
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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