u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
