I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
