ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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