The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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