that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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