I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
