Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
