just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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