You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize