What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
