Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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