I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I supernannyed him into submission
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
