You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
