I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
