you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
