I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize