If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
