Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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