Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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