I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are my feet made of real feet?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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