My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want a musical about memes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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