It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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