Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
