I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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