Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
