Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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