I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
