Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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