Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
