The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
