Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
