I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
