Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
