Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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