He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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