the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
