don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
