Cold hands, warm shart.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
