I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
