You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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