Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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