oh god the rape fog is back!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
