He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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