He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
