My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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