toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
