Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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