He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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