I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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