Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize