Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
