I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
